The Weight of His Eyes*
Written in
2022
You told me -
You like my
Beautiful
Blue
Eyes,
And for a second,
I wish my eyes
Were any other color,
Just so you’d like them less.
But I don’t want to change the color of my eyes for you.
I just wish you weren’t looking so deeply into them,
Or that your slimy tongue had never learned my name,
That it would forget how to worm it’s way into compliments.
I just wish your arm wasn’t around my shoulders,
And that it wasn’t the same width as my torso.
I wish I didn’t feel so fucking small,
When your beer breath hits my forehead.
I wish I wasn’t so sure you’d follow me,
That I called my partner on the walk to the car.
I wish I didn’t feel so scared
At a work event.
On my third day.
After months of looking for new jobs.
To leave a sexist workplace.
Just to find another sexist workplace.
I wish I didn’t see you in the office the next day,
And realize nothing changed for you.
Your walk, the same today as yesterday.
This was just another failed hunting trip-
A mild disappointment.
Meanwhile, my walk changed to run.
Ears perked at every office event.
Anyone’s beer breath, a burden on my shoulders.
Getting dressed each morning I’d feel the weight of his eyes.
I became afraid to smile,
Afraid to make eye contact.
What if they see what he saw?
What if they also can’t resist?