When my mom went to get the ultrasound,

Where the doctor was supposed to be able to determine my gender,

For the very first time.

I put my hand between my legs,

Covering any hope of figuring out what I had down there.

For many more weeks,

My parents didn’t know which outfits to fill my future closet with,

What color to paint the walls of my nursery.

Even back then I felt safest with my gender a mystery.

I’d heard everyone asking my mom,

“Is it a boy or a girl?”

And all the weight they assigned to either answer.

I hope it’s a girl, they are so much fun.

Boys are so much work.

I hope it’s a boy,

Then you don’t have to worry about them dating.

Or worse, getting pregnant someday.

What if they had never been able to assign me a gender,

What if I was just a shrug everytime someone asked,

Boy or a girl?

What if they cut open the cake at my gender reveal party,

And it was a rainbow?

What if I wore every color except blue and pink?

How would I know how many calories I should eat?

How tall I should grow?

How quickly I lose heat from my toes?